Ever since I was little, it was very clear to me how my life would go: do well in school, proceed to the next grade. Do well in grade school, proceed to high school. Make good in high school, get into a good college. Do well in college, land a great job and live happily ever after. Simple.
Two decades later. I did well in school, got into the only college that was ever really an option, serendipitously landed a job at the company of my dreams, and...now what? Apparently, not quite as cut and dried as I thought it would be.
What happens when the dream you thought you always wanted turns up to be not quite what you expected? Do you hold on to the idea of what you think it ought to be or give up on it, in the hopes of finding a new dream?
There probably aren't any right or wrong answers here. We each pave our own paths, take our steps, choose our choices. I suppose, ultimately, the fear of judgement, rejection or failure goes conveniently hand in hand with the lethargy of one that ignores persistent little nudges that edge you out of your comfort zone.
And so I remain, exactly where I am, as I am, tossed around by waves of events and dragged by a current of circumstances, all the while managing to keep my head above water, and the faintest sliver of hope afloat.
2 comments:
I know how this feels.
There is no easy way out of this jam. And you already know what I have to say about this. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you'll truly be happy and at peace with--
Oh fuck it!
Get out of there. Stop polishing their stars, find your own star and polish THAT so everyone can see it shine. You're not one of them drone types. You know this. You can feel this deep in your gut.
You've been through much, much worse than this. If you survived that, this is going o be a walk in the effing park for you. A very wise friend of mine (with a ridiculously small head) told me this a few years back and I listened to her:
"You were meant for greater things."
I wish you clarity, Javier.
Apir!
You do paint a rather picturesque world outside that which I have come to know and grow comfortable in...and in full fairness to your friend with the small head, I daresay she was most certainly right about you. ;P
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