drama

i really don't know why i enjoy torturing myself so much.

just when i'm beginning to have fun and enjoy life a little, i seem to crave a bit of suffering. it is too unbelievable that my life could actually be happy and conflict-free?

or perhaps i feel the urge to remind myself of existing conflict so as not to lose myself to bliss too soon. once you let go completely, lord knows it's almost impossible to get yourself back.

ok, maybe impossible is too dramatic. very difficult, and very, very painful, maybe. but certainly not impossible.

still, who'd want to go through all of that again?

i'm not that much of a masochist.