life could be so much simpler
if i would just choose for it to be so
but complications are too much fun to forego
life's too short to take things too slow
to just sit back and enjoy the show
take the plunge and go with the flow
go through the motions
move with your emotions
take what you want and give what you can
go through the motions
move with your emotions
nothing's for certain, life's too short to plan
some people say there's comfort in knowing
but do they know where they're really going
give me a reason to stop still and think
no time to process when i'm on the brink
of delirium and discovery
no turning back, lost the map to recovery
go through the motions
move with your emotions
take what you want and give what you can
go through the motions
move with your emotions
nothing's for certain, life's too short to plan
life's too short to plan
life's too short to plan
life could be so much simpler
if i would just choose for it to be so...
go through the motions
move with your emotions
take what you want and give what you can
go through the motions
move with your emotions
nothing's for certain, life's too short to plan
life's too short to plan
life's too short to plan
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
here we are again
Arrived at work relatively early today, supposedly to go about routing some papers that I'll be needing over the next few days. The first hour at work started out fine: routed some memos, organized a mountain of junk on my table, made some calls, secured a venue for a meeting. Was still a little sleepy (what else is new), but managed to function all right. Felt slightly proud of the momentum I had thought that I had gained.
And then I stopped.
Stopped to rest, stopped to think, stopped to eat, to read, to sit, to do absolutely nothing.
Which brings me to where I am now: blogging away senselessly and regretting the grande cup of NYFD fries that i had with red hot chili peppers and honey mustard dip.
I feel like a ball in a pinball machine.
And then I stopped.
Stopped to rest, stopped to think, stopped to eat, to read, to sit, to do absolutely nothing.
Which brings me to where I am now: blogging away senselessly and regretting the grande cup of NYFD fries that i had with red hot chili peppers and honey mustard dip.
I feel like a ball in a pinball machine.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
well kamusta naman
talk about sporadic blogging. this is only my second entry for this calendar year. and to think it's already december. (!)
wala lang, nasa bahay lang ako pero parang wish ko nasa bar ako somewhere umiinom at nakikibonding sa mga kaibigan. or rather, nagpapaka-pasyente sa mga kaibigang willing maging therapist sa gabing ito. kaso may 11am meeting pa kami bukas, at pinapangarap ko pa sana makapag-workout before that, at late na rin nang na-feel kong gusto ko palang uminom.
so eto ako ngayon, natitiyaga sa dalawang strong ice at dalawang lucky strike that's available to me at the moment. at nakikinig nalang ng paulit-ulit sa "i'm yours" ni jason mraz na kanta ng kapatid ko sa bago at una niyang jowa.
isa lang pala ito sa mga kanta niya para sa kanya. maraming awit na alay yun sa kanyang love godess/muse. matagal niya na kasing iniirog yun, mga tatlong taon na. awa ng diyos, sila na. at feeling ko happy naman sila. sabi nga nila, good things come to those who wait. isa pa, patience is a virtue.
kaso when it comes to some things wala talaga akong patience. absent ata ako nung araw na namamahagi si God nun. kaya eto, nasa boys are stupid mode nanaman ako. indefinitely, and possibly irrevocably.
pero sana hindi naman. ayoko naman patotohanan yung iniisip ng ibang tao na napaka-jaded at cynical (redundant?) ko na at the tender age of 24. oo nga, sige, hindi na "tender" ang age na 24, pero still, who wants to be jaded? i'd rather think that i'm just being realistic. and amybe a little bit hard. strong ice ito. call it a defense mechanism. allow me at least that. been through my own share of shiyet to get here din, diba?
pano ba yan, ubos na ang yosi. isang lagok nalang at ubos na rin ang beer. patapos na rin ang pang-sampu (pito? walo? ewan) na ulit ng kanta na naka-loop sa windows media player. hanggang dito nalang ata ang soliloquy na ito.
pero ang pakikipagsapalaran sa malawak na telenobela ng buhay... wala pa sa kalingkingan ng inggo, kampanerang kuba, marina, maging sino ka man o pinoy dream academy.
wish me luck.
wala lang, nasa bahay lang ako pero parang wish ko nasa bar ako somewhere umiinom at nakikibonding sa mga kaibigan. or rather, nagpapaka-pasyente sa mga kaibigang willing maging therapist sa gabing ito. kaso may 11am meeting pa kami bukas, at pinapangarap ko pa sana makapag-workout before that, at late na rin nang na-feel kong gusto ko palang uminom.
so eto ako ngayon, natitiyaga sa dalawang strong ice at dalawang lucky strike that's available to me at the moment. at nakikinig nalang ng paulit-ulit sa "i'm yours" ni jason mraz na kanta ng kapatid ko sa bago at una niyang jowa.
isa lang pala ito sa mga kanta niya para sa kanya. maraming awit na alay yun sa kanyang love godess/muse. matagal niya na kasing iniirog yun, mga tatlong taon na. awa ng diyos, sila na. at feeling ko happy naman sila. sabi nga nila, good things come to those who wait. isa pa, patience is a virtue.
kaso when it comes to some things wala talaga akong patience. absent ata ako nung araw na namamahagi si God nun. kaya eto, nasa boys are stupid mode nanaman ako. indefinitely, and possibly irrevocably.
pero sana hindi naman. ayoko naman patotohanan yung iniisip ng ibang tao na napaka-jaded at cynical (redundant?) ko na at the tender age of 24. oo nga, sige, hindi na "tender" ang age na 24, pero still, who wants to be jaded? i'd rather think that i'm just being realistic. and amybe a little bit hard. strong ice ito. call it a defense mechanism. allow me at least that. been through my own share of shiyet to get here din, diba?
pano ba yan, ubos na ang yosi. isang lagok nalang at ubos na rin ang beer. patapos na rin ang pang-sampu (pito? walo? ewan) na ulit ng kanta na naka-loop sa windows media player. hanggang dito nalang ata ang soliloquy na ito.
pero ang pakikipagsapalaran sa malawak na telenobela ng buhay... wala pa sa kalingkingan ng inggo, kampanerang kuba, marina, maging sino ka man o pinoy dream academy.
wish me luck.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Friday, December 30, 2005
ahem. oh well...
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005
three things to be happy about
Yesterday was a good mail day for me. I don't normally get any snail mail at all, but yesterday i received three items in the mail: the first was from an old friend in the States, the second was a bulletin from my alma mater and the third was a much-awaited brochure from the NYFA.
I opened the envelope from my Stateside friends first, knowing full well that it contained photos from my recent visit. I smiled to myself as I reviewed our crazy zombie moments walking down Hollywood Boulevard, sleepless and ridiculously happy. I smiled as I read the card they sent, reminiscing about simpler times. The photo on front of the Kodak Theater (sadly, contraluz, it was the only picture of the three of us together), with my old elementary school teachers in the hotel lobby, with Saleen and the Hollywood sign barely discernible in the distance, with Jaowi and horrendously huge eyebags in front of the El Capitan... How I wish I was that skinny again! But alas, upon returning home shortly after those pictures were taken I took to food and beer as a bee to flowers and honey.
And then, wanting to open my NYFA brochure in the presence of someone who could fully appreciate the value of it to me, I opened my Ateneo bulletin instead. But after ingesting news tidbits about this year's batch of freshmen and the renewed hopes of the school for the upcoming UAAP season, I decided that I couldn't hold back any longer and so I rummaged around my room for a pair of scissors and ripped my brochure open.
Ang sarap ng feeling nung binabasa ko yung brochure. I could almost smell New York off the pages. I could actually picture myself as part of a four-man crew, filming in the streets of New York, writing scripts, attending classes, trying to find work in the off hours, editing during weekends. Ang saya.
In fact I dreamed of New York last night. Of the busy streets, the chilly weather, the bright lights, tall buildings... and of Diether Ocampo with long hair as my Stateside ex boyfriend. Even in my dreams my work haunts me. Damn. Wala akong kawala.
I opened the envelope from my Stateside friends first, knowing full well that it contained photos from my recent visit. I smiled to myself as I reviewed our crazy zombie moments walking down Hollywood Boulevard, sleepless and ridiculously happy. I smiled as I read the card they sent, reminiscing about simpler times. The photo on front of the Kodak Theater (sadly, contraluz, it was the only picture of the three of us together), with my old elementary school teachers in the hotel lobby, with Saleen and the Hollywood sign barely discernible in the distance, with Jaowi and horrendously huge eyebags in front of the El Capitan... How I wish I was that skinny again! But alas, upon returning home shortly after those pictures were taken I took to food and beer as a bee to flowers and honey.
And then, wanting to open my NYFA brochure in the presence of someone who could fully appreciate the value of it to me, I opened my Ateneo bulletin instead. But after ingesting news tidbits about this year's batch of freshmen and the renewed hopes of the school for the upcoming UAAP season, I decided that I couldn't hold back any longer and so I rummaged around my room for a pair of scissors and ripped my brochure open.
Ang sarap ng feeling nung binabasa ko yung brochure. I could almost smell New York off the pages. I could actually picture myself as part of a four-man crew, filming in the streets of New York, writing scripts, attending classes, trying to find work in the off hours, editing during weekends. Ang saya.
In fact I dreamed of New York last night. Of the busy streets, the chilly weather, the bright lights, tall buildings... and of Diether Ocampo with long hair as my Stateside ex boyfriend. Even in my dreams my work haunts me. Damn. Wala akong kawala.
Friday, September 30, 2005
pagmamaneho sa kawalan
When I got home late last night (well, not too late... it must've been around 1:00 a.m.) I had the urge to blog a bit about my recent adventures, but could not muster enough energy to do so. I was forced to finish a lot of paperwork to meet a deadline that was pushed earlier than I expected.
But actually, the real reason why i was so tired is because after Chuzzling for hours late Wednesday night, two friends and I decided to drive up to Tagaytay on a whim. More accurately, a friend and I decided to drag another reluctant friend along with us up to Tagaytay since we didn't really know how to get there. (Yes, I am one of those ignorant drivers who had never, up until that moment, driven out of town. My usual route consists of home-work-nearby haunts. The furthest I had driven before Wednesday night was from Quezon City to Alabang and back to get a tattoo from Joe.)
We were lucky to find a quiet, secluded place that was open at the ungodly hour we arrived and where we could just chat and drink by the pool (since one of us insisted on being near a body of water). I couldn't resist jumping in. There was something so uniquely liberating about shedding your clothes and jumping into the water amidst the stillness and foliage. The deviation from the typical was small, yet much-needed; opportune and quite effective.
But actually, the real reason why i was so tired is because after Chuzzling for hours late Wednesday night, two friends and I decided to drive up to Tagaytay on a whim. More accurately, a friend and I decided to drag another reluctant friend along with us up to Tagaytay since we didn't really know how to get there. (Yes, I am one of those ignorant drivers who had never, up until that moment, driven out of town. My usual route consists of home-work-nearby haunts. The furthest I had driven before Wednesday night was from Quezon City to Alabang and back to get a tattoo from Joe.)
We were lucky to find a quiet, secluded place that was open at the ungodly hour we arrived and where we could just chat and drink by the pool (since one of us insisted on being near a body of water). I couldn't resist jumping in. There was something so uniquely liberating about shedding your clothes and jumping into the water amidst the stillness and foliage. The deviation from the typical was small, yet much-needed; opportune and quite effective.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
for some semblance of normalcy
Been sleeping a lot lately. For some people this would be a good thing, but I, having an innate tendency to sleep way too much for my own good, should probably not indulge myself.
Been having strange dreams as well, but even this is not unnatural for me. Wish I could extract more from my visions than an odd opener to a short-lived, pointless conversation.
Watched two interesting DVDs yesterday: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "Napoleon Dynamite". From a production point of view, loved how they were able to do Sunshine, fantastic premise, believable execution, sentiments struck a familiar chord. Melancholy, yet hopeful, in a tired way. Or perhaps because I chose to see a reflection of my own melodrama affirmed. At first, I couldn't quite get into the silly frame of mind for Napoleon, don't know if they expected people to chuckle through the whole film, in fact for a little bit it got rather annoying. But the dance sequence with one of my favorite tracks - Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat" - just seemed to make so much sense in a weird kind of way.
Been having strange dreams as well, but even this is not unnatural for me. Wish I could extract more from my visions than an odd opener to a short-lived, pointless conversation.
Watched two interesting DVDs yesterday: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "Napoleon Dynamite". From a production point of view, loved how they were able to do Sunshine, fantastic premise, believable execution, sentiments struck a familiar chord. Melancholy, yet hopeful, in a tired way. Or perhaps because I chose to see a reflection of my own melodrama affirmed. At first, I couldn't quite get into the silly frame of mind for Napoleon, don't know if they expected people to chuckle through the whole film, in fact for a little bit it got rather annoying. But the dance sequence with one of my favorite tracks - Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat" - just seemed to make so much sense in a weird kind of way.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
you think you know
since you've prepared for this for so long
many years spent
thinking
analyzing each move
each moment contemplated on
each pawn carefully positioned
to result in a victory
painstakingly planned
to win a battle so sweetly
so easily
and yet when the time comes
for the title to be claimed
all is not as you had expected it to be.
all things are in place
nothing else is left to be had.
or so it seems.
and everything is just as you thought it would be.
and yet nothing is as you want it to be.
the foundation has been dutifully laid out
the stage is set.
and yet the scene is not ripe
for the grand presentation night.
and the laurels you had wished for
are not the ones you had thought you were sitting upon.
and for a moment you are lost.
and for a moment you forget who you are.
and how far you have traveled to reach this point.
and how hard you have toiled to see so much.
and how many other moments like this were spent
cherished
worshipped
worshipping
a false god
a wrong pretense
a misguided song.
and now you are at a loss.
for nothing has prepared you
for this one
solitary moment
this shadow, this flicker
in your now questionable existence.
and you find repose in a world
that offers a different perspective
no matter how surreal
or seemingly insignificant
because its supposed abstract reality
makes an odd sort of sense
and resounds comfortingly
in your tired soul.
and here you find
that you can relax your grip on what remains on your
so-called sanity
and just
let
go
since you've prepared for this for so long
many years spent
thinking
analyzing each move
each moment contemplated on
each pawn carefully positioned
to result in a victory
painstakingly planned
to win a battle so sweetly
so easily
and yet when the time comes
for the title to be claimed
all is not as you had expected it to be.
all things are in place
nothing else is left to be had.
or so it seems.
and everything is just as you thought it would be.
and yet nothing is as you want it to be.
the foundation has been dutifully laid out
the stage is set.
and yet the scene is not ripe
for the grand presentation night.
and the laurels you had wished for
are not the ones you had thought you were sitting upon.
and for a moment you are lost.
and for a moment you forget who you are.
and how far you have traveled to reach this point.
and how hard you have toiled to see so much.
and how many other moments like this were spent
cherished
worshipped
worshipping
a false god
a wrong pretense
a misguided song.
and now you are at a loss.
for nothing has prepared you
for this one
solitary moment
this shadow, this flicker
in your now questionable existence.
and you find repose in a world
that offers a different perspective
no matter how surreal
or seemingly insignificant
because its supposed abstract reality
makes an odd sort of sense
and resounds comfortingly
in your tired soul.
and here you find
that you can relax your grip on what remains on your
so-called sanity
and just
let
go
Saturday, September 24, 2005
pardon me, i'm a virgin at this
Probably a bad way to start anything -- with an apology/disclaimer. But it is true. Never really thought that i would be the kind of person who would spend time writing in an online diary. E yung papel na diary nga sobrang sporadic ng entries ko e, what more yung pwedeng basahin ng kung sino man. I must be really bored. Either that or it's the little voice in my head that's screaming for attention.
Lord I'm fat. I should get up off my ass and do some pilates or something. Perhaps after this bout of laziness.
Hope everything goes well tomorrow. Please please please please please let everything go well tomorrow...
Muchas thanks to my brother for sharing with me his lay's potato chips (although he didn't really have much of a choice) and giving me his last chocolate-covered oreo.
Lord I'm fat. I should get up off my ass and do some pilates or something. Perhaps after this bout of laziness.
Hope everything goes well tomorrow. Please please please please please let everything go well tomorrow...
Muchas thanks to my brother for sharing with me his lay's potato chips (although he didn't really have much of a choice) and giving me his last chocolate-covered oreo.
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